Books- I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!

I’ve spent a lot of time in the bookstore lately. I find it therapeutic- something about being around rows of books it just makes me feel better. I generally assume that most people feel the same way that I do about books and bookstores, but I guess maybe that isn’t the case? I don’t know really, you’ll have to fill me in!
The problem with spending so much time at the bookstore is that I also end up buying more books. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love books and I love buying books. However, I don’t always have the room and/or money for more books. Not to mention at this point my To Read list is so backed up I’m not sure I’ll ever complete it. I have made a list of the physical books that I own that I haven’t read yet (or most of them) and I am going to try to finish them before the end of the year, but this won’t start until after I’ve finished a few books I have digital that I already planned to read before moving on to anything else.
I won’t stop buying books in physical or digital format any time soon. This is something that I’m very much aware of. You can’t just tell a book addict to stop getting books. That won’t ever happen. Maybe I’ll never read them all, that is fine. They will hopefully be passed on some day to someone who will read them. That is what is important right?
I know this post is quite short, and I’m sorry. I’ve got some fun neck pain going on today and I really just don’t feel like sitting up and writing. I’m hoping that with tomorrow’s new month will come a new me, one that is more motivated to get things done. The most I can do is hope at this point.
I’m working on getting a routine in place for myself between my medication, writing, working out, reading and work I’ve got to figure out how to fit it all in. Would love to get gaming back into my life too, maybe even some Anime binge watching! Oh to dream!
Anyway, as promised, I’ll show you my books, but you better show me yours! (Sorry, not going to try to list all the digital ones)

Camp NaNo

I didn’t spend any of this week trying to figure out what I was going to write about today. I’ve actually been a bit busy during my writing time as it is currently Camp NaNo, and that means I’m attempting to write 50,000 words in 30 days. For those of you that need a breakdown that is about 1,667 words per day and that really isn’t an easy feat for me. In fact I struggle and it could take me up to two hours to get that goal achieved, but I am continuing to push because this is a goal that I want to accomplish. I know I can do it as I have done before during NaNoWriMo.
I haven’t talked about my writing in awhile or so it feels to me. I thought maybe now was a good time as any to do it. I call myself a writer though I haven’t had anything published in many years, and when I had been published it was a few poems and a couple of letters to the editor. I was never what one would call successful in my writing career. Maybe one day that will change, and that will be great if it does. If not, I’m happy just writing for myself, just as I always have been.
This months project is an idea I’ve kicked around for a little while and it is in a slightly different genre then I usually write. It is a Paranormal/Supernatural/Horror story and I really hope it turns out well. Right now I’m jut working on getting the words out. Once I’ve done that I can really cut out the parts that aren’t working and shape the story into something fantastic, or so I hope. I actually haven’t read many books in this genre, which is something that is going to change of course, but if any of you reading this have a history with this genre I am always up for tips and/or suggestions. I’m not one to shy away from a brainstorming session!
I have a basic idea where my story is headed, but I’ve always been one to write my way through it. Once the story is out of my mind I can really get in there and work out my characters, settings, and of course plot, but I need to get the basic story out first. I just can not plan it, it has to come out on its own. I’ve tried many times to be a plotter, but it usually ends up with me in varied states of stress and frustration. I’ve given into my Pantser tendencies in the first draft stage and I won’t keep trying to change it now.
I don’t want to talk about the story very much, but just know it is shaping up to be a good one, and hopefully one that will keep you on the edge the whole time you read it. Nothing can beat a good binge read right? That is my goal with this story so fingers crossed I accomplish that goal.

I took 2 weeks off and here is what I learned….

I didn’t write anything for the last two weeks, aside from my daily journal entry. After my brother’s death I’ve had a hard time adjusting to my life and figuring out where I’m supposed to go from here. Everyone has said that it will take time to find the new “normal” for my life. I’m not there yet, probably not even close, but my mind has started to settle down most days, and nights long enough for me to get through.

One of the ways I tried to help myself get through this time was take breaks from the things that seemed to be pushing me too hard. Writing and blogging was top of that list. Every time I sat down to write one of two things happened: First my mind would go completely blank, even more blank then when I’m fighting a case of writer’s block. I would basically lose the knowledge that I had of the written word. Poof, gone. The second thing that could happen would I would be able to think of nothing but my brother. I wanted to do nothing but write about him, base characters off of him, and just pour my heart out. Which would have been fine, probably, but the minute I would start to try I would lose either all motivation, or like the first scenario all knowledge I had of how to put words together to form sentences.

It has been a horrible three months since his death, taking two weeks off from writing won’t “fix” me in any way. I’m not really broken, I’m just no longer whole. The reason I took the time off in the first place was because trying to push myself to get everything done every day was killing me. I started medication for the first time in 15 years and it made me so fatigued I could hardly keep myself awake for a couple hours at a time. So after an exhausting 9 hours or more at work I couldn’t make myself write, workout, eat, study, read and everything else adults have to do. Something had to give, something had to be put to the side to see if it was still what I needed in my life now that my life is no longer the same.

So, at the title to this post states, I want to talk about what I learned from this break. I learned that I miss blogging, even though I don’t have much of a following, but I realized that maybe I would really like to grow this thing in the future. Not just as my “I’m a writer look at me” kind of thing, but just in general. I can’t be the only person in the world who goes through what I go through. Being a part of #TheBloggessTribe has shown me that beyond a doubt. Maybe something I write here might help someone else out some day? I also learned that writing in general is still my life and my therapy. Without it I am not a person that I want to be. I may never be a famous writer, I may never even be known as a writer, but that is okay because it makes me happy and in the end, that is all that matters to me. I need, now more than ever, to be happy. Or as close to happy as I can get anyway.

That might not be as much as you expected. I won’t apologize for it, but the reason behind that is the possible subject of another post for another day maybe. I would really be interested in hearing your thoughts, either in comments, on twitter, tumblr, google+– whatever format you prefer. And you can find me on all of those platforms if you want to stay in touch with me. I’m sure the links are on my site somewhere.

I hope to everyone out there that is struggling with one thing or another that you all know you are not alone. Please, if you ever need someone to talk to reach out to me. I am here. #NeverAlone

Social Media & Me

If you followed my Tumblr blog back when I had it, you might know that I tried to do a 7 day Social Media cleanse. It didn’t work as expected, but my thoughts on social media remain the same and I would really like to try again.

What are my thoughts you might ask? Well, I hate that every time I have a free moment, or my mind wanders I try to pick up my phone and click on an app just to see what everyone in my life is doing, instead of them telling me personally. I understand Social Media makes it easy to stay in contact with all your friends all the time, but are they actually seeing the real you? No, they aren’t. Social Media makes it so easy to portray yourself as something you aren’t, or maybe not all of who you are. Not to mention, how much time do you think we actually spend scrolling though posts of what people did, or every random thought that is on their mind?

So, I’ve decided to step back from Social Media. Not just in a “professional” manner. No, I mean completely. I’m always available via text, phone and even email. I would rather be spending my life experiencing it from the right side of my phone, not the virtual side.

What does that mean for my blog?  I’m still going to blog, because I feel like it is something that I need to do. I might not have many followers. Hell, I may never get many, but I still feel like eventually my blog will have something to offer.

Am I going to be one of “those” writers with no social media? Hell yes, I may just be one of “those” writers with no social media and that isn’t a bad thing. I have a blog, and unless someone can show me why Social Media will make or break my career (that I don’t even have yet) then I’m going to stay back and just focus on this. Is it possible this will change when I actually have something to promote? Sure. For now this blog is all I need.

What do you think? Is Social Media needed in this field?